


The Goosening

by thinlizzy2



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Crack?, Fluff, M/M, Non-explicit description of injuries, Soulmates are decided by the Angry Goose AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinlizzy2/pseuds/thinlizzy2
Summary: It's a world in which soulmates are real and decided by Soulmate-Choosing Angry Geese, but other than that it's exactly like our world.Which means Tony and Peter are still totally in love and still complete idiots about it.





	The Goosening

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DoreyG](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/gifts).



It had never been easy to be Peter Parker. He wasn’t generally the luckiest guy in any given room. It was important to understand that, even before looking at one of the oddest and most unique days of his extremely odd and unique life. He wasn’t one to complain, generally; he usually tried to look on the bright side of any given situation. But really, he’d had his share of challenges. 

 

Are there any concrete examples, one might ask? It’s a fair question. Well, he was an orphan, for one. He felt kind of weird about calling himself that since he’d always had plenty love and support from his aunt May and no Victorian tyrant ever denied him extra gruel or anything, but technically the word did fit. And he was also a skinny, nerdy kid who grew up in a part of New York City where skinniness and nerdiness essentially acted as catnip for bullies. Sure, things got better when he transferred to the gifted school, but he couldn’t be in school 24/7, and even there Flash Thompson still existed. He was allergic to lobster, which sounded like something he would otherwise enjoy. He had a desperate crush on someone wildly inappropriate, who he was pretty sure had never so much as entertained a vaguely lustful thought about Peter in return. Oh yeah, and a radioactive spider once chomped on him for absolutely no reason, and now his DNA was all kinds of messed up. Once again, Peter wasn’t one to complain so he just used the resulting powers for good and all that. But he was still part freaking _spider_ , now and presumably forever, and that was a lot to deal with for a boy who still had three years before he could legally drink his arachnid-based superpowered worries away. 

 

Not that Peter was likely to be a good drinker anyway. He tried a shot of May’s butterscotch schnapps once, just to see what it was like. It burned like fire and he spit it out everywhere. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that Peter already had it pretty rough even before he woke up, on what could have otherwise been a perfectly pleasant Wednesday in late July, with the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose® sitting on his chest. 

 

His first instinct was to just close his eyes and go back to sleep. After all, he didn’t really _believe_ in the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose®; he knew it was just an old wives’ tale. And even with his luck, it was more likely that this was a dream than it was that some random waterfowl had just decided to nest on his torso. But the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose® wasn’t called Angry for no reason, and a series of sharp pecks to the exact center of Peter’s chest let him know that this was a very real problem he was currently having. 

 

He called for May a couple of times, but there was no answer. The bird continued its assault on Peter’s chest like it was obsessed with the spot, and he dimly remembered that the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose® was meant to provide you with clues about who your soulmate was. He wondered if the goose was trying to tell him that his soulmate had a substantial chest area. He hoped not. He knew soulmates were soulmates and you got who you got, but he’d sort of been getting the feeling lately that boobs were unlikely to be what he was looking for. 

 

He actually had a pretty clear picture in his head of what he would find ideal: dark and slim, older and mysterious, brilliant and dashing and definitely flat-chested. He wasn’t sure if the goose took requests or considered appeals though. 

 

But he decided that as probably an issue that he could worry about _after_ the damn bird had stopped attacking him. May must have gone out, so he grabbed his phone and dialed for Ned. Like any self-respecting post-millennial, Ned was up to date with all urban legends, conspiracy theories and other internet debris. Maybe he knew something about decoding the cryptic messages of the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose®. And if not, maybe he could at least tell Peter how to get the thing to stop pecking him. 

 

But the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose® was having none of that. With a terrifying hiss, it lunged at Peter’s arm, knocking his phone from his hand and sending it skittering under the bed. Peter ducked to get it but the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose® honked angrily and opened its beak, and Peter decided it was best not to risk pissing it off further. 

 

Holy shit – geese had _teeth_? 

 

That revelation made Peter feel slightly shaky, but he still thought it might be worth it to try reasoning with the invader. “Listen... Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose®.” He wondered if it had a shorter nickname. Would it get even angrier if he called it Scag? “I’m not sure what it is that you want.” It wasn’t exactly a promising beginning, and if geese were capable of rolling their eyes, Peter was pretty sure this one would be doing just that. He rallied his spirits to try again. “I want to find the person you’ve come here to point me at. Of course I do. But all you’re doing is honking and pecking, and that’s not really helpful.” The goose hissed again and flapped its wings. Peter had the sinking feeling that he had insulted it, which could not have been further from his goals. 

 

Luckily, he heard the apartment door opening. He wasn’t sure what his aunt could do about the situation, but at least he wouldn’t have to deal it alone anymore. “Aunt May?” Peter tried to keep his voice steady. “Could you come in here for a second? And maybe bring something heavy?” 

 

He didn’t know if the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Goose® could understand English, but it certainly seemed to get that it had been threatened. It shrieked and flapped, half leaping and half flying at Peter and jabbing him in the chest even harder than before. A red flower of blood appeared in the center of his Stark Industries t-shirt, and for the first time he was more angry than he was afraid. 

 

“That’s going to leave a scar.” The voice from the doorway was definitely not May’s. Peter outright moaned. He knew who it was even before he turned. Deceptively soft and dry as the desert – no one else sounded like Tony Stark. And for his brave, brilliant and ridiculously _sexy_ mentor to see him cowering at the webbed feet of a goose was almost more than he could take. What the heck was he even doing there? 

 

“It’s under control.” Peter tried desperately to avoid looking over at the door. So long as he didn’t actually see Tony Stark, he could pretend this wasn’t happening. 

 

“Come on, kid. We need to deal with this.” Mr. Stark was using his soft, this-is-serious voice, and that was way more worrying than his angry or his laughing-at-stupid-Peter voices. “That’s a spot that always scars. Trust me. I know.” 

 

Peter’s hand flew to his chest. He remembered reading all about how Mr. Stark had become Iron Man, and the injury that had changed him forever. He hadn’t made the connection before, but his wound... it was in the exact same place as the hole in Mr. Stark’s chest. His mind was reeling as he finally turned towards the door. 

 

And his jaw dropped open. 

 

Tony Stark, who always looked neat and clean and perfectly put together in both a three-piece suit and a suit of armor, was an absolute mess. His clothing was torn and his hair was mussed and dotted with yellow goo. His face was scratched and dirty, and even though he’d wrapped gauze around his wrist a few specks of red blood showed through. Behind him, muttering darkly, stood a second goose. 

 

This was impossible. It had to be. 

 

“That scars too”, Peter whispered. He held up his own wrist, so Tony could see the shadow of his fateful spider bite.” 

 

“I didn’t know where you were bitten. I didn’t get the connection.” Mr. Stark pointed at the goose. “But then this fucker here opened her evil little beak and a whole fucking mess of spiders came out. Not exactly subtle, but she’s got style.” 

 

Peter shuddered at the image. “How do you know she’s a girl goose?” 

 

Mr. Stark gave him an incredulous look. “That’s what’s important here? At the moment when you’re literally finding out that you’re my soulmate?” Peter shrugged lamely and Tony sighed. “While I was distracted running around grabbing every can of Raid in Stark Tower, she laid an egg and smashed it on the wall. Used her beak to write ‘P.P.’ in the goo. She apparently doesn’t have the highest regard for my intelligence.” He gestured at Peter’s chest and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. “At least yours made it interesting. Would you mind just... I’m having a hard time watching you bleed, kid.” 

 

Peter took the handkerchief and pressed it against his wound. He wondered if that would enrage the goose again, but both of the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Geese® were watching them silently, as if monitoring the situation. 

 

Mr. Stark nodded and slipped into the room, looking around for a place to sit. He stared at the bed with an expression Peter couldn’t understand, and then leaned against the edge of Peter’s desk. 

 

With limited options, Peter perched on his bed. Mr. Stark glowered at him and Peter assumed that was for reminding him that the piece of furniture existed at all. 

 

“Listen, kid... we can do this any way you want.” Peter turned bright red as his mind flooded with possibilities, but Mr. Stark went on. “We can be soulmates who are friends. We can be soulmates who are teammates, if you want to revisit that. We can be soulmates who are...” He twisted his hands in the air in frustration as he searched for words. “Whatever the fuck we are now. We can be soulmates who are that.” The geese began honking angrily again and Mr. Stark glared at them furiously. “Would you feathery assholes shut up and let me _talk_ to him please?” He rubbed at his eyes. “If it’s what you want, Peter, we can be soulmates who never see each other again.” 

 

And suddenly the geese were no longer the angriest things in the room. 

 

“ _What?_ ” Peter leapt to his feet. “How can you...?” He couldn’t even find the words. “You’re my soulmate, Mr. Stark! My actual _soulmate_. And your response to that is just disappear and never speak to me anymore?” 

 

Mr. Stark at least had the decency to look ashamed. “I’m just trying to make things easier for you, Peter.” 

 

It was the use of his real name that broke him. “ _Nothing_ is fucking easy for me!” Peter didn’t normally swear, but to be fair he was having a _really_ hard day. “Being Spider-Man isn’t easy! And being Peter Parker? That’s not easy either! But you know what’s harder than all of those? Being in love with you, for years, and getting to find out that you’re my soulmate! And then having you use that as a final excuse to drop out of my life!” The Soulmate-Choosing Angry Geese® were honking wildly and even though Peter seriously did _not_ like them, he did sense that they were on his side on this issue. “You don’t love me back? Fine. I wouldn’t expect you to love me. But how can just - mmphf!” 

 

He hadn’t meant to say mmphf. He’d meant to ask how Mr. Stark could just walk away from him forever. But that bit of tragically cliched dialogue was muffled by Tony Stark’s warm, sweet mouth pressing desperately against his, and Peter had never been so grateful to be interrupted in his life. 

 

“I’m a disaster, kid. Peter.” Tony lowered himself to the bed and pulled Peter close against him. "You're so young, and you can do so much better than me. You have no idea how much better than me you could do."

 

Peter blinked, still dizzy from the kiss and the change of pace. "I really can't. You're my literal soul mate." 

 

Tony laughed bitterly. He held Peter’s face in his strong hands, keeping their eyes locked. “I love you. I loved you even without the goddamned goose to tell me to do it, and I would have kept loving you even if you did want me to fuck right off out of your life. But loving you doesn’t mean this is going to be simple. I know myself, Peter. There are times when this is going to be really, really hard.” 

 

Peter couldn’t help but smile at that. He plucked a bit of loose eggshell out of Tony’s hair and placed his hand over the older man’s. “No worries. I’m used to that.” 

 

Somewhere in the middle of the flurry of kissing, touching and ruined pajama bottoms that followed, Peter became aware of the sound of wings flapping, and he knew the Soulmate-Choosing Angry Geese® were gone, probably forever. Their work here was done. He wasn’t sure whether he should be happy or sad about that, but then Tony did something rather glorious with his pinky finger, and Peter forgot all about them entirely. 

 

It still wasn’t easy to be Peter Parker, even with his incredible soulmate by his side. His next big challenge came just a few hours later, when his aunt May finally came home and he and Tony had to rather frantically explain the situation to her while she screamed things in the kind of Italian that would have made Paulie Walnuts blush. And even once May calmed down and hugged them both, there was still the whole fighting-crime-evil-aliens-constant-danger thing that was their chosen lives. 

 

But even if things weren’t always easy, at least they were never boring. And Peter was never one to complain.

**Author's Note:**

> I was so happy to get this AU and this pairing, DoreyG. Thank you so much for your awesome prompts, and I hope you enjoyed your fic!


End file.
